Thursday, September 16, 2010

I am just a girl that is searching for happiness and to be the real me

I had just watched a film “Fashion” at 10 .53 pm on Thursday, September 16 ,2010.What I have got to say is just that sometimes someone is so lucky to be given a second chance in their life and was so lucky for getting supports from the most important people in our lives which are our parents. I had once a dream to be a doctor, a neurologist but because of the past history in my life. I gave up taking medicine studies and move on with Software Engineering which I had never taught about it. I am just being too coward to achieve my dreams and I was following my dad’s advice which I wish I shouldn’t.When I got to know that actually my late mother was a doctor,it was too late ,I am finishing with Software Enginnering,and now I knew the reason why my father is keeping me away from my real dreams.If not,I would just be like her,but sadly fate had separated me and her very early,I was just 9 years old when she passed away and I had no chance in knowing her but for me I will always miss to meet her in heaven.I am visiting her grave this eid (2010) on 2 Syawal .Her grave was in Jelebu,Negeri Sembilan which I could not visit it regularly unless my dad would bring me there.I planned to go there secretly several times.And I was so sad each time I had just arrived to my grandparent’s house which is in Negeri Sembilan and just about 3km to reach the cemetery.I knew I was just like my mother,but our profession is so different.The family members on my real mother’s side were telling me that my behavior,my hair,my nose were just like her.But as I looked in the pictures she is even more beautiful and so much more brilliant than me.And even the pictures while she was sick was very graceful,she has that natural beauty ,and my father was lucky to have her.I would just imagined that if she is still by my side I would have taken medicine too in my studies as I have someone to inspire me.I was not believing in myself at that moment as no one is inspiring me too…and the reasons that I could not make it and I gave up taking medicine which I should not.And I knew the blame should be on me,I would have listen to my heart at that moment.After that,I fall into software engineering accidentally and just do it for the sake of someone’s else.And I hope that life would still give me a second chance to do what I love in my life.Maybe I would not be as lucky as Meghna Marthur in the film “Fashion” but I do have my own special which no one could have and no one could duplicate me because I was just the way I am in doing things and the most special about me is that I am too honest in everything that I does even if it hurts myself.I just threw out anything that I wanna speak and that is the way my heart was created.I hope that in my life I would make a second debut in the real interests in me,besides I knew that the field of Software Engineering would prosper my life,there are so many projects out there that I could grab and I am sure I could get it.But life is not everything about money,it is something that you should dreamed of to bring the real person in you.And to bring the real person in me is just my dream that no one might not believe it.But now I knew that I should have just build the confidence in me and go for it and kill any challenges that come by.I hope that Allah will always make everything easier for me and lead me to the successful ladders in my life and finally reach the top and make it a constant success.And I hope along the path that I will go through I will find a true love and relationships that could just fulfill the loneliness in me.And that is a dream of my life.I hope if you read this please pray for me that my dreams will come true someday.I am just a girl that is searching for happiness and to be the real me.

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My soul had spoken
And this is me-NUR ANIS BTE NORDIN-

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